11 expert tips on how to talk about neurodiversity at work
When I deliver neurodiversity training in organisations, I often get asked:
“Alicja, I’d like to be more involved in conversations about neurodiversity but I don’t want to make things worse by saying the wrong thing.”
“There’s someone in my team who is neurodivergent and I never talk about it with them but would like to. Can you please offer me some advice on how I can get started?”
I could talk about the language of neurodiversity for a long time - and languages more generally (one of my passions) - but I will resist the urge. Instead, here are my top tips on how to talk about neurodiversity in the workplace and beyond.
How to talk about neurodiversity in the workplace
#1 Don't stay silent for fear of getting it wrong
👉 #2 Do acknowledge and express your lack of knowledge
#3 Don’t use words that are deficit-based, stigmatised or patronising
👉 #4 Do use identity-first language (or ask)
#6 Don't make assumptions about someone’s experience
👉 #7 Do believe what you’re being told
#8 Don't offer unsolicited advice
👉 #9 Do offer support and make a habit of asking “What do you need?”
👉 #10 Do be curious and open to learning from a neurodivergent person’s experience
but…
#1 Don't stay silent for fear of getting it wrong
If you only take away one thing from this article, please leave with this: don’t let the fear stop you from getting involved and talking about neurodiversity and various forms of neurodivergence in your workplace and other settings.
I’ll start with an uncomfortable truth: the chances are that you will get your language wrong – and that’s OK. Even if you research what terms to use and are careful about your language, you could still get it wrong. This is because although research exists on the terms that are preferred (see tip #4), at the end of the day everyone will have their own opinion.
After all, us – neurodivergent folk – are a diverse bunch.
#2 Do acknowledge and express your lack of knowledge
It’s OK to admit when you don’t know much about neurodiversity. In fact, acknowledging your lack of knowledge and experience in this area can help foster trust. And certainly don’t pretend to understand concepts you’re unfamiliar with, as it can inadvertently lead to misunderstandings (and the loss of trust).
You could simply say this:
“I don’t have a lot of knowledge about autism / ADHD / dyslexia / neurodiversity (pick one or more that apply). I might use terms that are not correct – if that happens, please correct me. I want to help.”
By expressing your lack of knowledge, you show your vulnerability. That’s good – it might help your conversation partner open up too.
#3 Don't use words that are deficit-based, stigmatised or patronising
Here’s a simple rule you can follow: use language that’s positive or neutral over medical, deficit-based terms that tend to have negative connotations. I’m not talking about toxic positivity here and seeing neurodivergence purely as a superpower (it isn’t).
And here are some examples of neuroinclusive language:
Condition or neurological difference is better than disorder or disability
Autistic traits or characteristics is better than autism symptoms
Describing the impact of autism is better than assuming that someone / everyone is suffering from autism
Curious to learn more? Click on the button below to download the Expand the Circle Neuroinclusive Language Guide.
#4 Do use identity-first language
When talking about neurodiversity, consider using identity-first language, which centres the individual’s identity (e.g. “autistic person”) rather than person-first language (e.g. “person with autism”).
Lived experience research suggests that 91% of autistic people use ‘autistic’ when talking about autism but only 19% use ‘a person with autism’
This means that most autistic people prefer to be referred to as ‘autistic’ – but not all.
Identity-first language is often preferred by many neurodivergent people because it affirms their neurodivergence as an integral part of who they are, not something separate from them or entirely negative. In the past, people often used person-first language to highlight the person before the diagnosis, but it's not as popular anymore.
The best strategy here is to ask your neurodivergent colleague or friend what words they prefer when referring to their autism and/or ADHD, or listen out for the terms they use and mirror them.
So, embrace your fear and address the ‘elephant in the room’. Silencing by not bringing up the topic is way worse than bringing it up and risking making mistakes along the way. Whatever happens, you will have an opportunity to learn from the experience and make the other person feel seen and heard by engaging in a conversation around neuroinclusion.
#5 Do learn what not to say
If you want to learn more about what specifically not to say, the following BBC Three video series on “things not to say to someone with…” are excellent (click on a relevant button to open the video in a new tab):
#6 Don’t make assumptions about someone’s experience
Making assumptions about how someone’s neurodivergence affects them while also offering advice without being asked for it (see tip #8) is a common response to disclosure (“I’m autistic…” / “I have ADHD”). I know that this response comes from a good place but it’s rarely helpful because:
Every neurodivergent person experiences the world differently and has different strengths and areas where they need extra support.
There are several reasons for this:
Neurodivergent conditions affect people in different ways. For example, autistic people can be speaking or non-speaking, ADHDers might be predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive or of combined type (the list goes on).
Neurodivergent conditions are likely to co-occur, which means that often neurodivergent people tend to have more than one neurodivergent condition (or at least traits if not meeting the clinical threshold). For example, a person may be both autistic and have ADHD (known as AuDHD). I myself am autistic with a clinical diagnosis but also recognise some ADHD traits in myself, such as the need for novelty and cognitive and sensory stimulation. In fact, co-occurrence is more common than not – for the exact figures, see Cleaton and Kirby (2018).
Neurodivergent experience varies from day to day and depends on person, task and environment. This is also known as “situational variability” and explains the fluctuations in executive functioning and communication.
There will be other factors such as gender, race / ethnicity / culture, values, religion and many more that interact and overlap to shape individual experience - this is known as intersectionality.
In summary:
When you’ve met one neurodivergent person, you’ve met one neurodivergent person.
#7 Do believe what you’re being told
This is one of my favourite tips. If someone tells you that there’s a lot of background noise coming through in a Teams meeting, a colleague’s perfume is giving them a headache or they need help with starting a task by having you there with them, believe it and respond to it positively.
Here’s an example:
I was at an online neurodiversity training course (!) and raised that there was background noise coming through a participant’s mic. The facilitator responded by saying “Well, I cannot hear anything” in front of the group and did nothing else. It made me feel very small and unheard.
A better way of responding here would have been to say “OK, let’s see if we can fix this for you. Can everyone mute yourself please? Alicja, how’s that for you?”.
In summary, if something sounds unusual or not believable to you, remember that it may be normal and very much true to someone else (even if it’s not your experience).
#8 Don’t offer unsolicited advice
It’s likely that your advice has been given before – many, many times before. Here are some examples of unhelpful advice I’ve received over the years:
“Just try to stress less“ (thanks doctor)
“Why won’t you try…” (ehm, really? It’s not crossed my mind to make a list before…)
I truly appreciate that advice like this comes from a good place, but the impact of it is often the opposite – being offered ‘quick fixes’ without checking first can feel demeaning and patronising.
Here’s what you can do instead to be an ally to your neurodivergent colleague (or friend):
Avoid giving unsolicited advice altogether (unless you’re qualified in some way and have been given permission).
Ask for permission first – for example: “May I offer a suggestion?”
Be explicit in that you give permission to discard your advice, for example: “You might have already tried this, but I was wondering…” / “Something that has worked for me [my nephew / brother / etc.] and may or may not work for you is…”
#9 Do offer support and make a habit of asking “What do you need?”
Here’s another language tip that can be easily implemented: if a colleague or a friend discloses to you that they’re neurodivergent, make it clear that you’re there to support them. Saying “if there’s anything you need, just let me know” just once there and then is unlikely to be enough.
Instead, make it clear that you mean it (simply add “and I mean it”) and make it a habit to ask your neurodivergent colleague or friend what they need (without imposing what this could be, see tip #8).
If you’re a line manager, make it part of your 1:1 agenda to ask “What do you need from the team to do your best work” / “What more can I do to support you?”
#10 Do be curious and open to learning from a neurodivergent person’s experience
Yes, yes, yes – and be genuine in your curiosity and open-mindedness. If a person you’re speaking with says “I’m autistic / have ADHD”, you could respond by saying: “Oh, that’s interesting. Are you happy to tell me more about how that affects you?”.
If you know anyone that’s neurodivergent and want to share it, that’s fine too but don’t just end there (it can often be a dead end). Instead, acknowledge that you know that your colleague’s or friend’s experience is likely to be different. Here are some examples:
🙁 Not so good: “Oh, my nephew is autistic. He really likes dinosaurs and is a fussy eater…” (well, your colleague or friend might be into psychology and seek new foods!)
😊 Good: “Oh that’s interesting. You know, my nephew is autistic, but I know that everyone’s experience is different. I’d love to hear more about how it affects you, but only if you’re happy to share of course”. Which takes us to the next and final tip…
#11 Don’t expect us to educate you
It’s great that you want to learn more about neurodiversity from people with direct experience. Equally, it’s important not to put the pressure and burden of neurodiversity education on neurodivergent employees themselves.
For example, asking the only autistic employee in your organisation to deliver organisation-wide neurodiversity training simply because of their diagnosis can place an unnecessary burden (and spotlight) on them. While personal experiences can be valuable, expecting someone to take on this role can feel tokenistic and is likely to be stressful and exhausting.
Of course, do consider how you can engage neurodivergent employees’ voices when designing a neurodiversity-affirmative environment in your organisation, perhaps sponsor and set up a forum like an employee resource group - but don’t expect us to do all the work.
Instead, take the initiative to explore resources, attend professional training sessions, or consult neurodiversity experts. This shows respect for people’s time and energy while ensuring you’re learning from a variety of perspectives. Supporting neurodiversity starts with taking responsibility for your own education.
Conclusion
Talking about neurodiversity in the workplace might feel scary at first, but it doesn’t have to be. As a start, it’s OK to admit what you don’t know. Try to avoid making assumptions and focus on listening and learning. Small actions - like using identity-first language, offering support instead of advice, and being open and curious - can make a big difference and help you create a more inclusive and supportive environment for neurodivergent colleagues.
And finally…
If you enjoyed this article, feel free to:
Share it with your colleagues or friends (if you need a reason, Neurodiversity Celebration Week in March or World Autism Acceptance Day on 2 April are perfect occasions).
Add a link to this article to your organisation’s neurodiversity recommended resources list.
Contact me to learn more about how I can help you and your organisation.
About the Author:
Alicja Nocon is the founder of Expand the Circle. Her mission is to empower late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults to contribute in the workplace on their own terms and for it to make business sense.
Alicja offers coaching and mentoring for neurodivergent adults and neurodivergent employees with autism or ADHD, neurodiversity training for organisations and enjoys speaking at panels and other events.
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